Couples Therapy
Having someone stand beside you who has your back means you live in a safer world
From cradle to coffin, we all need love and connection.
You’d like to think you’ve got it going on. You want to believe you know what’s best for yourself when navigating your relationships.
But, sometimes, life hits you with something you can’t handle on your own.
In that moment, it’s important to reach out for help.
So, what’s your status?
Doesn’t matter.
Whether married, partnered, or dating – whether together for two months or ten years – one thing is crucial: you’ve got to maintain connection.
When your connection breaks down, you start to feel like you’re miles away from your partner.
Where’s the trust? The teamwork?
Snarls and smirks instead of smiles. Fights instead of fondness. Resentment over romance.
This isn’t what you signed on for – you can’t even remember what you once hoped or expected. Burdens seem too heavy to unload.
You’re stuck.
When you’re safe and secure in your relationship, you know you can turn to your partner for a sense of balance – equilibrium. No matter how bad it gets, you and your partner can face it together. You can look at your partner and know that you’ll make it because you have each other.
But when something jeopardizes that safety, you have nowhere to turn.
You feel isolated. Disconnected. Alone. Afraid.
Find Your Way Back
Couples therapy can give you the tools to restore your connection again.
Seven Tools That Cultivate Connection:
1. Speak your partner’s love language.
Okay. So, you think you know what makes your partner feel significant and loved. But do you?
The truth is, you’re probably showing your partner love the way you feel loved… trying to meet your partner’s needs by doing things that would meet your own needs.
Often, that strategy leads only to miscommunication and disappointment.
In therapy, you’ll learn how to identify your partner’s love language and show your feelings in a way that garners genuine appreciation and validation.
2. It’s OK to go to bed angry.
Sometimes, you just need to stew awhile in your cauldron of righteous ferocity before you can gain a healthier perspective on things.
In therapy, you’ll learn how to recognize when it’s time to shelve an argument, as well as how to slow down and call for a timeout.
While not a quick fix, the stew will give you time to pause – to diffuse the situation, a crucial conflict navigation skill. In time, you’ll see that working through conflict is less about making repairs and more about getting things back on track.
3. It’s not just about the dirty dishes.
Well, okay, sometimes it is, but most of the time, the dirty dishes are just a symptom of something deeper.
In therapy, you’ll learn how to treat your relationship like an archeological dig – are you really fighting about the dishes, or are you simply trying to avoid what’s really lurking down below the surface?
4. Get to know your partner’s world.
You and your partner are complex human beings, and, like it or not, neither of you is perfect.
Since it’s almost impossible to understand everything your partner may think or feel, you’ll learn how to let go of unrealistic expectations about what a relationship should be and focus on real improvements.
By asking questions rather than jumping to conclusions, you’ll cultivate a deeper connection by understanding one another’s points of view.
5. Therapy is for everyone.
“But wait, why do we need therapy if we’re happy?”
Therapy allows you to sharpen tools that will enable you to weather the inevitable challenges ahead – challenges that may intensify when you start a family, get married, buy a home, and grow older together.
6. Remember, you formed your relationship “template” in childhood.
The way you interact in relationships has very little to do with one another, but a lot more to do with what you both learned about relationships as children.
When unpleasant childhood memories resurface in similar present situations, they set off unconscious triggers.
In therapy, you’ll learn to identify your raw spots. You’ll learn to become less reactive and more compassionate toward each other.
7. It’s important for relationships to grow and evolve.
Acquainting yourself with each other’s “love maps” – your partner’s inner world, worries, dream, goals and joys – better prepare you to cope with change.
Understanding that you, your partner, and your relationship are dynamic and always changing, you can avoid the “it used to be like this” mode.
Let’s face it: getting stuck in the past can destroy your relationship.
The truth is that broken relationships don’t just fix themselves.
The key to any satisfying, long-term relationship is openness, commitment, vulnerability, and a willingness to take emotional risks. When you ignore issues in a relationship, they typically become more and more unhealthy until – finally – they’re irreparable.
Creating a healthy, happy relationship sets the stage for more satisfaction in all areas of your life.
Take the first step toward moving your relationship down the path of love, intimacy, friendship, and re-connection.
You deserve the relationship you’ve been waiting for.
Call me today at (917) 289-1290 or email me valentina@valentinazurictherapy.com.
Together, we’ll get you back on the path toward the relationship of your dreams.